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Oct 14, 2024

What Is a Promise Ring? An Ultimate Guide

The history and meaning behind this particular accessory runs deep. Getty Images In This Article Thank early-aughts Miley Cyrus, Liam Hemsworth, and the Jonas Brothers for a resurgence in an age-old

The history and meaning behind this particular accessory runs deep.

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In This Article

Thank early-aughts Miley Cyrus, Liam Hemsworth, and the Jonas Brothers for a resurgence in an age-old concept: the promise ring. While many people associate these baubles with teenagers, puppy love, and, occasionally, abstinence (more on that later), the gesture and meaning behind a promise ring run much deeper and are suitable for couples of all ages. "The act of giving and receiving a promise ring creates a profound emotional connection between two individuals," explains Nehal Zaveri, co-founder and vice president at Diamondwish.com and Diamondstuds.com. "It serves as a tangible representation of the devotion they have for each other, symbolizing their commitment to embarking on a shared journey."

For those interested in learning more about this special piece of jewelry, ahead, we put together a guide that'll help you understand why promise rings have been a popular concept for decades. Plus, we provide a few details on how to give (or wear) this unique accessory. Keep reading for everything you need to know.

Meet the Expert

In the simplest of definitions, a promise ring is given and worn as an outward symbol of commitment and fidelity to another person. It shows the world that your heart belongs to another and that you’re devoted to protecting and nurturing that relationship. These days, a promise ring is also most commonly given as a precursor to an engagement, though it can be gifted as just a symbol of love. “Some of my clients don’t necessarily believe in marriage, so they give promise rings as a symbol of a long-lasting relationship,” says jeweler Benjamin Khordipour of Estate Diamond Jewelry.

Finances, age, and geography can all play a factor in why a person may give (and receive) a promise ring. A couple in medical school, for example, may have years to go before they feel financially secure enough to pay down a diamond and major loans, or a couple with one member on a professional stint overseas may want to wait until they’re physically together to embark on an engagement. Also, teenagers in love might not be mature enough to take on the more adult aspects of cohabitation and marriage. In these scenarios, a promise ring serves as a placeholder for a future engagement without kicking off the wedding-planning process.

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According to Khordipour, the concept of promise rings dates back to the Roman era. He says the Romans were required to wait a certain amount of time before marrying, and gave their partners "promise rings" as a sign of commitment during that period.

Next came the more romantic posy ring in the 14th century, which was worn as a symbol of affection between lovers. Also spelled "posey" or "poesy," this particular piece was a band engraved with a short poetic phrase (often written in Latin or French) to signify romantic feelings. In the 19th century, acrostic rings cleverly spelled out words like "regard" and "dearest" in gemstones. ("Regard" was communicated with an emerald, garnet, amethyst, ruby, and diamond, while "dearest" consisted of a diamond, emerald, amethyst, ruby, sapphire, and tourmaline.)

As courtships have grown longer in today's society, people have come to give promise rings as a sort of midway guarantee. “These days, what you’re saying with a promise ring is eventually we’ll get married, but as of now we’re not ready,” explains Khordipour. “It gives both parties reassurance that the relationship will keep going.”

The short answer is: There is no answer! Like engagement rings, promise rings are available in a variety of styles, and the rings can be tailored to suit anyone's individual taste. "The style desired is truly a selection and representation of the purchaser," notes Zaveri. However, there are a few popular styles most individuals gravitate towards, which we highlight below.

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Marriage proposals can be over-the-top: They involve grand gestures, romantic monologues, and getting down on one knee. "Giving a promise ring should be as opposite of that as possible," says Khordipour. "You don’t want to fool your partner into thinking they are about to be proposed to."

It's also important to note that a promise ring does not kick off any sort of countdown to marriage, but they do signal that you may be ready for marriage in the future. Meaning, only present your partner with a promise ring if you're prepared to seriously commit to them. Additionally, if presenting the ring, be open and honest about how you see your future as a couple progressing, as well as your feelings regarding marriage in general.

You can do whatever you want with your promise ring after you're engaged. Some will switch it to the ring finger on their right hand; others may opt to wear it on a necklace; and others still will put it away. Khordipour suggests wearing it in lieu of your engagement ring while traveling, and Casey is seeing promise rings incorporated into the rising trend of stackable jewels.

"We’ve seen people do promise/engagement ring combos, where a stack of rings will start with a promise ring on their engagement finger, then they’ll add a wedding band, then a diamond band," she says. "The left ring finger comes to represent phases of life and their relationship."

Though it’s fair to think of a purity ring as a type of promise ring, the two are not entirely interchangeable. Specifically, a purity ring is worn as an outward commitment to abstain from sex until marriage—and while a promise ring can hold that same meaning if it's a pledge made to oneself, one’s parents, or one’s religious institution, it is generally considered something separate.

A promise ring can be worn on the ring finger of either hand. If it is given and accepted as a symbol of future commitment, it is typically worn on the left hand.

There’s no hard and fast rule here. If marriage is in your future, though, don’t break the bank on the promise ring. Save for the engagement ring and keep your budget to under $2,000. "That lower price point is key for the promise ring because it’s not the engagement ring gesture, but the precursor to that," says Casey.

Similar to wedding rings—and any type of jewelry—promise rings can be bought from any retailer that sells rings, either online or in-store.

Victorian Style Engagement Rings: How to Get the Look. GIA.